(no subject)

[xx_ljtalk5_xx]

 I feel really neutral about these meds. I guess I’m kind of excited to start them but I also don’t really know. I don’t know how big a difference they’ll have. And I guess I don’t know if they’re going to be a good thing or a bad thing until I start. So I’m also a bit apprehensive. But not really. I just don’t feel anything about it really. Which is weird. I feel like if I’d been prescribed them a few years ago I would have felt more about it. I would’ve had a bigger reaction, probably a  positive one. Coz I guess I knew less stuff and wouldn’t worry about them being a bad thing. Also I guess I felt things on a wider range back then as well. Like I felt bad to the extreme, whereas now I just feel drained, and only sometimes that bad. Also I think I would’ve felt more able to tell people. Like I don’t think I’m gonna tell any of my friends about them. But definitely when I was like 13/14 I would’ve told some people, I think because it’s less embarrassing to have a mental illness at that age and everyone made jokes about ‘being depressed’ or whatever so I didn’t feel left out for feeling so shit, whereas now everyones just happily getting on with their life so I feel a bit embarrassed to actually have something wrong with me.