Tuesday, 10th September

[xx_ljtalk5_xx]

 Im currently processing my thought progress part a and part b crazy reference I thought in my mind it would be a perfect time for writing and imagined myself going to this writing place and forcing myself to write but then I realized that I would miss scrolling on a phone in my bed so much that when I thought about it my heart hurt so much like I thought it might explode and it hurt coz of the choice and of the sacrifice I’d have to make either way and it began to hurt so much that I suddenly realised I couldn’t think and it reminded me of how I felt when I had the anxiety attack last week and I started getting scared I was having another one and so then all my thoughts were on that and it was like my brain was getting cloudy and I was getting tunnel vision and like my throat was closing up like what happened last time and because I was so scared all that stuff was actually happening because I was so stressed and I started looking this way and that then I saw the red car or something out the window and remembered the advice of trying to spot as many things as I could that were the colour red which I had also used last week and I guess because of that I started getting less stressed then I saw a guy walking past out the window and realised I was stupid and there was nothing to be anxious about and then I noticed my thought process throughout all this and decided to write it all down